This is a piece I wrote about 11-12 years ago, probably about a year I had graduated from NIT Surathkal, Karnataka and was working in the Oil and Gas Sector………
Never had given a thought about my life after studies. Want to study more but cant say really whether that wish of mine would really shape up someday. I find it so amazing, the fickle nature of fortune. Always thought life to be so full of fun, spirit and august as a child that when responsibilities dawned upon this lad as he is stepped into this torrid world of frustrations, struggles, daily slogs; suddenly he found this same ol life to be so onerous.
Sometimes I wonder for what, for whom, do I earn. The obvious answer is “Dumbo, my family of course”. But on profound thinking, I do realize that I haven’t sent a single penny to my family in the whole last year. They are still surviving though. I should have known itz the kidz who always depend on their parents, for parents always slog it hard to feed us all their life that even in exigencies they learn to cope up with life without their kidz. Then why am I earning. Is it only for me, for my future? Does this money give me all the happiness I want? If not, then what is it that I really crave for?
Have been thinking about it for three days now, the fundas aren’t clear. But my dreams do insinuate about what I am going to write. They take me to my home, my Ma’s lap where I find perpetual warmth amidst all the frost laden cold struggles of life, my Dad’s finger which are old and fragile now but still has the strength to support my drooping gait making it strut as an iron bar, the green lawn with sunflowers in front of my house where I played all my childhood n the grass seems to be a better bed than my Dunlop bed, my room which remains empty, the day when I stepped out of my house.
What to say about my brother, he is the victim of the same disease that is endemic to guys like us.
I feel I am stretched by this unseen bond which calls me back home. After all what’s the wrong. The sole motive of earning dough was to provide bread to my family, to lead a happy life in my cozy home with my family. But after all the struggles, I have found “Money aint beget any family, it draws one further away”. I am 23 years old and with the little about life that I have seen or felt, I can contend that “life has its own stipulation – u get mundane benefits at the cost of all the love and spiritual benefits and vice versa”. The choice is yours.
I often loathe myself, for being such a craven creature; lacking the RISK TAKING CAPABILITY (what one of my senior personnel defines it) to give a damn to all the struggles and slogs I need to do for materialistic satisfaction and to go in search of “what I want?”. Feels too good to the ear, doesn’t it? “What I want?”. Hehehe. Try to implement it your life. Letz see where u land up?
This might help me in my search for motivation to get what I desire and be satisfied with life with itz checkered fortune.
Let me enjoy my moment which calls for John Denver and his 12 string guitar:
Almost heaven, west Virginia
Blue ridge mountains
Shenandoah river –
Life is old there
Older than the trees
Younger than the mountains
Growin like a breeze
Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads
All my memories gathered round her
Miners lady, stranger to blue water
Dark and dusty, painted on the sky
Misty taste of moonshine
Teardrops in my eye
Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads
I hear her voice
In the mornin hour she calls me
The radio reminds me of my home far away
And drivin down the road I get a feelin
That I should have been home yesterday, yesterday
Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads
Country roads, take me home
To the place I belong
West virginia, mountain momma
Take me home, country roads
Take me home, now country roads
Take me home, now country roads
Satadru Kashyap 